I am an advocate for children.  That is different than being a child advocate.  Not only do I advocate for children, I really advocate for and with parents. 

It seems like in order for parents to reach out for help, their family has to get to the zero hour, the last straw, the “can’t take one more day or I’ll explode” boundary before they see that they can’t go it alone.

But…looking for help becomes intimidating because it makes a person look like they are weak, or they aren’t mature enough to handle their own problems. 

They actually feel like asking for help makes them somehow damaged goods.  If they really knew the truth, they would understand that asking for help makes them “the Winner”.  Asking for help means they know that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is only a pinpoint of light at best.

In working with many students over 17 years, I got to know many parents.  I did not meet one mother or father that wasn’t doing the very best they could do.  Many of them asked for help with their son or daughter on more than one occasion and in more than just academics. 

At times, the pain and worry that I saw in their faces was difficult to watch and even harder to respond to when I knew more than I wanted to from spending 6 plus hours a day with their kids.  It is not now, was not then and never will be my job in life to tell a parent what I think they are doing wrong with their children. 

I have begun to see, however, that some parents truly want guidance in life whether it comes from lack of parental guidance as they grew up or just the plain overwhelm of a difficult child.

After a certain amount of time with my students, I could pick out an alcoholic family, or a child of a rage oriented parent.  I could spot a well supported child as well as a child left to fend for themselves after they got home.  The really big secret is that most kids are only reliving the lives that their parents lived. 

Addresses are different, changing times make the world different around them but on a basic and subconscious level the lives of the children are the same as the fathers and mothers and the fathers and mothers before them.  As many as 6 generations can go into each new generation.  That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but, it is a thing that most of the population isn’t aware of today.

You can prove it to yourself if you want to. 

Here’s an example.  How many of these phrases can you finish: 

The early bird gets the _______________________  (...worm)
Money doesn’t grow on ______________________ (...trees)
He who laughs last laughs ____________________ (...last, laughs best)

That last one could be the basis for bullying for sure!! 

Here’s one more that is my all time favorite: 

____________ comes to those that wait.  (...All things)

I’m sure that you have some that you were brought up with that run along the same lines.  Sayings or phrases that were meant to be encouraging and passed down through generations in your family, which actually put boundaries and limitations on the ones that live by them.

Those few examples are the more obvious ones that we all can look at and say, “Yup, I heard that one all the time.”  But, what about the not so obvious donations from our futures past?  That look that your grandmother gives your dad every time he does or says something she doesn’t like. 

The one that you got the whole time you were growing up, half of the time not even sure what it was you did but you were still on guard for awhile.  The look that you give your kids when you think it’s appropriate for whatever is going on in their heads.  The look that will be given to their kids for whatever, but by that time really has no context or meaning, just FEAR infused communication.

The number one reason that these gifts just keep being given is the fact that we live what we know.   We are taught by and identify with our external circumstances.  Instead of listening to our true self, our inner voice, we coast along on what our outside circumstances show us as the truth. 

What “worked” for Papa Joe with little Sammy could very possibly have dire repercussions on little Billy when Big Sammy passes them on.  No two people, adults or children, are the same.  They act and react in their own way.  What one parent views as parental bullying, another supports as taking the “toughing them up” approach.  What one parent believes as babying a kid, another supports as being compassionate.

But in all reality, each one of us has that inner voice that speaks up when we are off base.  The one that tells us to stop and take a breath, something isn’t right, back off for a minute, slow down, pay attention, listen to what’s going on. 

All of those warnings that usually get overridden by our external circumstances that yammer at us inside our heads encouraging us to do what we have done in the past instead of trying a different approach to the same old problem.

My job, my passion, is to advocate for children by advocating for their parents.  I can’t and won’t tell you what to do.   Your outside circumstances are very different than mine.  Your past experiences are not even close to mine.  Telling you what to do using my past experiences won’t guide you by listening to your past experiences. 

If I coach you using my inner voice as your guiding light, I would have to live in your life, because you won’t learn to listen to your inner voice.  My part in your life is simple, direct you to ask the hard questions of yourself, then support you as you step into the answers from your questions, for your best life.

To find out more about bringing balance back into your life, please contact me.

We will cover identifying customized steps that you can take immediately to begin living a more balanced life.

To your life, A LIFE WORTH LOVING

With love,

Ginny VanOeveren DIFY (Do It For Yourself)